In my fantasy neighborhood, Marion Woodman lives at the top of a very private wooded lane so I can wave or engage in a quick chat, as I drive down the lane and she will always make me smile because her voice is full of raspy exuberant energy that is desperate to cause a ripple effect. Coleman Barks would live behind me and his warm gentle smile would always warm my chagrined heart as my rascal dog has once again gotten stuck in his yard due to passing rabbits. “So sorry to disturb you…” and even though, about 9 times out of 10, I would be able to grasp so little of his meaning, he would always say “No problem at all my dear, I was just contemplating a passage of dear Rumi’s and wait, let me read you a bit…” and without fail, matter the weather, a crazy light would appear and fill me with peace. Sweet Mary Oliver would live to the right and therefore would have to pass in front of my house after her daily walks. She would often stop in for tea and quietly share what Mother Nature taught her today. Mark Nepo would live to my left. He just moved in, so I am completely in awe of him. As a poet and philosopher, I am a total want-a-be groupie. His latest work, Things That Join The Sea And The Sky is remarkable. Every line I read I think “That is so true…he said that so perfectly…has he been inside my heart?” Its a very personal account of his journal writings. He has battled cancer and unexpectedly lived to talk about it.
This morning I opened to a passage that seemed to completely combine all these dear souls work into 9 beautiful lines, and his words went straight to the core of what has been ruminating in my heart.
Some say there’s a fire at the Center of our Being. How does anyone know? Though I believe is. Sometimes in a dream, I go there and it’s not some kind of hell. More like a lake of light that drinking from heals. And healing is not erasing what life does to us. Rather drinking from the Center knits all the scars into a fabric that can’t be torn. Regardless of how we get there, no matter what is broken or lost, the weave binds us. We call its patterns beauty.
Honestly, tears welded up, and I am breathing a little softer. Marina Woodman wants us to sit by our wells and drink from it, knowing there is always our wisdom gathering there. We just need to look. Coleman Barks brings Rumi’s words into a light that can guide us to through the human condition of life knowing that the Beloved is always with us. We can’t long for something, unless we have already held it. And Mary Oliver, shows us the Divine constantly and completely surrounds us if we can learn to be still enough. It is right outside our door.
“The healing is not erasing what life does to us.” This is one of the alleluia lines for me. I see how I have been trying to dismiss parts of life that I have feel stained me and therefore caused me to not see my beauty. I am not talking physical beauty. I am talking the gifts, a light , that is universal in all of us. Its how we cope with the shit that has been thrown at us. Some of us are lucky enough to have been given tools or encountered teachers or the opportunity to gather them ourselves. I believe my heart chakra has been blocked when I let my stains turn to scars that I buried completely or held onto with shame. I believe my scars are shifting because I can see the well. I am beginning to dip into the center of it where there is water and see where my fire, my light, is held. These stains of mine are no longer to be erased but examined. They are to be spoken and if needed, mourn what shame, hurt, violation, shattered pieces were created. If we build a wall we feel we have become separate from others and no one else feels our pain, and we believe this to be true. And we get stuck.
I don’t want to be stuck any more. I want to see clearly my 10,000 joys and sorrows and weave them. To know that this is what beauty looks like. For each of us. for This is what binds us. This is how we are each unique and at the same time, all alike and not special at all. “We call its patterns beauty.” My second alleluia.
Day 10 – 100 day challenge