I love Rumi. My husband was the one who introduced us. Until just this very moment, I never fully understood the depth of that introduction. R. is at heart, a romantic and Rumi is all about love. Yet Rumi’s love is about the love of the Beloved within each of us, and R., I think its fair to say, believes people who believe in God or  a Beloved, are just kidding themselves because there is no such thing.
The meeting arrived in the form of a book by Coleman Barks, The Soul of Rumi, A New collection of Ecstatic Poems. It was Valentines Day, 2002, and my heart soared when the unwrapping was complete. Our marriage had just been through the ringer….and back again. This gift was immediately taken in as a beautiful sign.  In my head I felt it symbolized his sorrow for the past few years and this gift was reclaiming his love for us on a deeply personal level. In my heart I felt held for  R. does not do vulnerable to the wind elements of our human emotions. He must remain in control. Appear steady or unaffected as she blows or shit will hit the fan and he may not survive. So this gift, was immediately a precious one.  It became a constant source of peace and comfort despite never discussing anything I read with him.  But he saw it as my constant companion by my night stand, porch rocker or favorite living room chair. 7 years later, the table of our marriage once again flipped and smashed into pieces that I was sure to be terminal. Back to Rumi I went, and read over and over again a chapter on Initiation: The Necessary Pain of Changing. I would then flip around and find such joy in this guys writing who had an incredible ability to express so clearly the pain of the human condition while wrapping it sunlight. During this time I would crawl to cling to this book, like I was craving air or water just to go on. 15 years later, this gift, filled with sticky notes and coffee stains, still makes be smile. I often start my day randomly opening to a page and muttering “What do you have to teach me today dear Rumi?”
So what does this all have to do with my heart chakra? Well, to be sure, many of my heart’s  scars are absolutley due to “necessary pain in changing” that I believe our marriage had to go through, and I am sure will continue to do so, but I just realized that for a man who so poo poo’s the image or belief of Spirit, God, Divine or Beloved, it seems funny to me that he was the one that introduced me to a poet that has only opened my heart  wider, and therefore  slowly learning the depth of his teachings, that give me such joy. I wonder though… on some unconscious level did he know that this would be? Is it how we balance each other out? Scholar Coleman Barks notes how Rumi’s writing gift of language lies in his ability to “magnificently surrender” his soul. Rumi believes that the connection of knowledge to wisdom is love. Knowledge being everything you learn and love is recognition of what is in balance behind everything. It isn’t this hallmark or disney kind of love. Its the core, the essence, of this invisible energy that is always present and allows us the connection of wisdom. Hmmm, so there it is again…all circling back to trying to make everything solid. Rats… We get so attached to form. God isn’t real because we can’t touch him. I am not worthy unless I appear as a shinny penny with nice clothes and a big house. Rumi has welcomed me to look at what drives me and therefore humility becomes a huge part of this view. But compassion has immersed as well.
I know people hate getting older but so far, I don’t mind it…I feel like only time can give me the means to understand this crazy place we live in.

Day 8…100 day challenge

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